Post by What's-His-Face on Apr 28, 2013 14:18:19 GMT -6
I recently started making some changes in my life. Mainly, I started exercising (mostly weight lifting) and eating healthier. In addition to that, Ive begun to try and remove the negativity around me. I left the job I was miserable at for about the past 10 years, got a new job (which unfortunately isn't quite working out, so I'm looking for a better one), and I've also stopped 'people pleasing'. That may sound harsh, like I'm not doing things to help people or anything, but that's not what I mean. Sometimes you just have to do whats best for you. If all you do is people-please, then you're not progressing yourself, you're just staying the same way because all you're doing is focusing on what everyone else wants. You're always making sure your plan is going exactly as you thought. At that point, you're constantly analyzing what's happening, instead of just living in the moment. I've always had this neurotic fixation that 'I have to do this right, to impress these people, to get a reaction' instead of 'how can I give to [this situation]' 'how can I improve my attitude/life' . When you're just sitting around talking to your friends, you don't write stuff down ahead of time and follow a script to 'sound right' when you talk to them. You're just there, in the moment. You're not afraid of rejection or persecution of any kind, you just are, in that moment. When you put yourself under the pointless pressure of having to be perfect at every situation, or that you can't make yourself vulnerable, and do you what you can to stay in your comfort zone, you can never make any personal progress. You just make excuses as to why things wont work out in the future. You don't think 'how can I make this work' or 'how can I get there'.
Not focusing so much on pleasing other people's view on how you need to live your life frees up your focus to more important things. You need to focus on what you want. Not to sound so self-centered, but this is truly they way to get what you want out of life. If you're not satisfied with yourself, and you're just thinking of ways to remain stagnant, instead of thinking of ways to improve your situation, you're going to make yourself miserable. Many people think that they are perfect the way they are and don't need to change, that everyone else is the problem. That is absolutely not true. There are always ways to improve yourself, and you should always strive to do just that.
Another thing is to forget your past, and stop living in it. Many people are under the illusion that their past is real. It's not. It doesn't exist anymore, only in your head. I'm not saying you don't have to remember the good times, or learn from the bad. All Im saying is, living in the past only going to keep you there, in the past. You're not looking forward to the future because you've been so focused on what went wrong in the past, and you're using that to guide your future. So you start dreading future events, until they happen, then feel threatened in that moment. And again, you analyze what's going on, you're not living in the moment. Its only more time wasted. I've often found myself completely lost, re-imagining things that have happened in the past and re-living those moments as if they were happening at the time. I've even gone so far as to INVENT random scenarios that did never, or (probably) will never happen. I could get lost in these for minutes, even hours, across the span of several days. All of which focused on negativity. What I can't have, why I shouldn't have it, who I shouldn't get involved with because I'm not good enough, I shouldn't try to improve things because other people will judge me for it, and so on and so on. Well, it's time for all that to end. My past is over and its not real, only this moment. No more trying to convince myself that things will stay terrible. Things can and will improve for me if I just let it. I need to stop stopping myself from making progress, become more trusting, more relaxed, and more willing to be vulnerable and in the moment.
For more on this way of thinking I recommend check these out:
Not focusing so much on pleasing other people's view on how you need to live your life frees up your focus to more important things. You need to focus on what you want. Not to sound so self-centered, but this is truly they way to get what you want out of life. If you're not satisfied with yourself, and you're just thinking of ways to remain stagnant, instead of thinking of ways to improve your situation, you're going to make yourself miserable. Many people think that they are perfect the way they are and don't need to change, that everyone else is the problem. That is absolutely not true. There are always ways to improve yourself, and you should always strive to do just that.
Another thing is to forget your past, and stop living in it. Many people are under the illusion that their past is real. It's not. It doesn't exist anymore, only in your head. I'm not saying you don't have to remember the good times, or learn from the bad. All Im saying is, living in the past only going to keep you there, in the past. You're not looking forward to the future because you've been so focused on what went wrong in the past, and you're using that to guide your future. So you start dreading future events, until they happen, then feel threatened in that moment. And again, you analyze what's going on, you're not living in the moment. Its only more time wasted. I've often found myself completely lost, re-imagining things that have happened in the past and re-living those moments as if they were happening at the time. I've even gone so far as to INVENT random scenarios that did never, or (probably) will never happen. I could get lost in these for minutes, even hours, across the span of several days. All of which focused on negativity. What I can't have, why I shouldn't have it, who I shouldn't get involved with because I'm not good enough, I shouldn't try to improve things because other people will judge me for it, and so on and so on. Well, it's time for all that to end. My past is over and its not real, only this moment. No more trying to convince myself that things will stay terrible. Things can and will improve for me if I just let it. I need to stop stopping myself from making progress, become more trusting, more relaxed, and more willing to be vulnerable and in the moment.
For more on this way of thinking I recommend check these out:
