Here I Stand (original)

[Dustin Silvers]

Here it is, my masterpeice! Read the picture in the video because it explains it. It's still not finished, but I worked for 5 years on this. I wish Michael would listen to this, and tell me what he thinks. Well, I can dream can't I? (This is soon to be copyrighted)

[Jason]

First of all well done on a comprehensive composition that clearly fits well within a style.

I'm guessing that the first few minutes will have vocals or a lead part over the top? It seems a little repetitive and I feel it needs more development on it's own, especially as you bring it back in after the orchestral section, which is great by the way.

I understand Midi instruments aren't the best sounding things in the world but you made the orchestral part work pretty well sonically. Again I think it could benefit with something on top, as it might make the transition from all the riffing a little smoother. Right now it's quite sudden and all the new melodic ideas seem like they've been developed too quickly within the song. Perhaps you could try building each melodic idea up slowly?

The drums are ok. The double bass drum patterns could be a little more relevant though, IMO there's a little TOO much double bass going on, which is particularly noticeable when the riff isn't matching it rhythmically. Less is more with drums sometimes. Remember the guitar should be leading your rhythm and harmony and the drums should be supporting that and providing a pulse. I feel that more simple kick drum patterns, would compliment the riffs a lot more. Although I know with a real drummer it would obviously sound a lot better. Leave some space for melody.

Harmonically, you don't move away from your tonic key (C Minor?), which maybe could be developed (especially for the orchestral section, it would keep everything sounding fresh)? I know most metal songs barely move away from the tonic but Michael and other solo guitarists certainly change key a lot. For this style of improvisation it is ESSENTIAL as it unlocks new doors in the form of scales and modes and allows each motif to develop your song rather than just keeping it on one level.

You can keep the song fresh by a simple key change. Dance by Greg Howe (IMO of course) is such a great piece just because of the harmony. The chords he uses are clearly well-thought out and really compliment his lead playing. With the complexity of your solo (which by the way was really clean), changes in harmony could make it sound even better. I think you summed it up when you said you were inspired by RR and MAB! For what you were aiming for, I'd say you pretty much nailed it.

Overall, for something that isn't finished, there's some good ideas going on in there. I'd love to hear you just soloing over the whole thing, as the solo seems to be going towards that style. A classical solo for the orchestral section could work well, but the transition to that orchestral section needs to be smoother. Maybe leave the guitar ringing for a few bars and slowly build the orchestra up. Michael Romeo/Symphony X are really great at doing this. You can hear it in so many of their songs. The trick is to use levels and space to good effect. Build up a crescendo and then a sudden diminuendo into a softer section. That's just one example of building up tension and releasing it. Symphony X seem to do that a lot in their "epics".

Think about what your aim is with the song, and try and think about drawing the listener's focus to the ideas that need to stand out. I think you did it well with the solo.

Hope this is of any use! Again it's all my opinion, which may be of no value to you which I really hope isn't the case because I spent ages typing all this haha!

Just keep writing and keep learning. Also encourage yourself do develop your own style. You've learned from MAB and great players, now you should try and develop something of your own.

From a songwriting student a little older than you.

[Pain]

Hey! Jace, sorry to hijack this thread....but could u give me a short criticism on my song too? i am looking to improve myself, and a little help would be greatly appreciated.

Dustin, mate, i listened to the song, it was pretty effing good. I am not qualified enough to give any advice to you. You're on a whole other level ;D

[Jason]

Hey Pain, no problem I'd feel privileged to help! I will take a look soon.

My forum visits have had to be cut shorter, annoyingly so. Extremely busy with college but I still really enjoy the community here, and the fact that Michael still takes the time to contribute.

Yeah, Dustin you are definitely a promising player. Ultra clean alternate picking already.

[Pain]

Once again, sorry for taking this thread in a completely different direction, but a criticism is what I really need.

This is far from a 'shred' song. So it may not be to your taste JACE, but I request you to somehow try and sit through the song, and give me some of your valuable advice.

[Dustin Silvers]

There is suppose to be vocals in this piece. I really do appreciate the criticism, and very little bit counts. I've only been playing guitar for five years, and those words mean alot to me. Thanks

[Jason]

Hi Pain, I sent you a PM.

Would love to hear it with vocals, Dustin.